Sooo we all remember why I left. Right?
Recap for those who don’t…after mine and Jason’s break up, I got way to extreme with my eating disorder. not to place blame, by my manager at the time was telling me every day that I wasn’t ok and I wasn’t recovered. After hearing that every day for weeks on end, you start to doubt yourself. I wasn’t in a good place. Jason and I were basically acting like a couple but not together and it was really hard on me. I wasn’t aware that what he was dealing with was depression so I took it very personally and it affected my self image.
October 31st: Being in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with alcohol and after a minor disagreement with Jason, it presented for a great opportunity for my manager to step in and make a move that I quickly rejected. It was a rough weekend of me feeling awful about myself. It was also a weekend where I forced myself to throw up for the first time in 4 years.
I was blogging about most of this and kept my anon on unfortunately. So not only was I trying to handle Jason, work, school, my manager as well as my eating disorder that came back full force, I was getting insane amounts of hate mail on this blog.
It was a reality check.
I deleted my blog and my twitter. I closed my facebook and opened a new one.
I told Jason everything. I sat and poured my heart out and he hugged me and held my hand and told me he was sorry he wasn’t there.
He spent the next month making sure I ate. He subtly made sure I wasn’t alone. He was my support system along with the amazing girls I work with. We worked our relationship out and got back together.
He held my hand the whole way. He made me feel pretty in my track pants, my hair up, not an ounce of makeup and my glasses on. To him, I was perfect. He would tell me I was wonderful. he would tell me I made him see the light in his life and kept him positive. He helped me see that I was worth loving and that I was ok and needed.
It wasn’t the fastest process.
I gained 12lbs and there were times I hated my body. But he never stopped telling me he loved it.
We’re on a break right now because he’s got things to deal with and as much as I wish I could help him and be there for him like he was there for me, I know it’s not what he wants. But even 10 days ago when we were rocky and not doing fabulous, he made a point of telling me he loves my stomach and he loves my body as it is.
I have him to thank for making me a stronger person.
I have him to thank for being back here and being able to balance every aspect of my life.
So I’m back and I’m healthy and I may not fit into my favourite jeans but I still love my body.
And I miss him haha