Second chances and new beginnings aren’t meant to make your life hard. They aren’t there because fate hates you or you screwed karma. They are a blessing. They are fate’s way of saying “hey, you deserve another chance. Here. Take it. This one’s on me”
Don’t waste it
Yup. The bright red is gone. You cant tell in the photo but it’s now a burgundy red. Annnnnd hey quads and waist
"With every grimace at your reflection in the mirror, every new wonder diet that was going to change your life, and every guilty spoon of ‘‘Oh-I-really-shouldn’t,’’ I learned that women must be thin to be valid and worthy. Girls must go without because their greatest contribution to the world is their physical beauty"
Take a moment to read and share. Take a moment to think about how your actions and words influence your kids and those around you. Self love and self respect seem to be the two things we forget first when they should be what pushes us to be our very best. Think about it.
I stepped on the scale for the first time when I was 8. I thought I was fat at 8. When other girls were playing with Barbies, I wondered what you would do not to be fat.
I watched my mom step on a scale, I watched her diet, use small plates, get upset when it was time to find a dress for an event.
As I got older, I was so focused on my own weight issues that I no longer saw my mom’s. I was obsessive, insecure and incredibly unhappy. I did unimaginable things to my body just to be thin, to feel pretty, to have a guy compliment my looks.
I got better and healthier. Or so I thought.
I focused on more food, healthier food. Less cardio and more weight training. All the stuff I tell my clients.
I met a man who made me feel special. He told me how smart I was. He had conversations with me about things that mattered. He enjoyed just holding my hand. Yet all I craved was to hear he thought I was pretty.
How scary is that?
He thought I was amazing but I would have rather have him tell me I’m pretty.
When things ended, I automatically blamed my look and my weight. I worked out more. I wore more makeup. I spent so much time getting ready.
And then it hit me.
While I wasn’t throwing up my food, starving myself or doing hours of cardio, I WAS NOT BETTER. I was still that 8 year old girl who thought she was fat and ugly, who thought that’s what attracts and keeps a man.
That was MY turning point. That was the start of my self love journey.
I started wearing less makeup. I wore clothes that were comfortable to me, not ones to get attention. I cut my hair and dyed it red. Something I wouldn’t have done earlier for fear of not feeling pretty. I focused on me and my health.
Then I threw out my scale.
That was one of the hardest things I have ever done. yet one of the best. It was a tough 4 weeks adjusting but I made it and I couldn’t be happier with where I am. I love ME! I love my sense of humour, my wit, my intelligence. I love that I can make people smile and laugh, that people enjoy my company, track pants and all. I love that I can go to work with no makeup on and still feel good about myself. I love me
However, the real turning point came 3 weeks ago. My mom needed a dress for a baptism. My mom is my best friend. I love her to pieces. We do everything together. She’s who I cry to, who I tell good new to. She is my person. We used to share clothes and get ready together. My family has had a lot of stress this past year so she had to quit the gym and the stress has caused her to gain some weight.
We went into H&M and she found a dress she loved. She grabbed a size 14 and went to the change room. This was already getting to her as she was previously a size 8. A few minutes later she tells me the dress doesn’t fit. I went into the room to see my mom looking absolutely heartbroken. She broke down in tears and told me she doesn’t feel good about herself anymore and doesn’t feel pretty.
I cried. Seeing my mom like this and realizing she’s still fighting her demons was the saddest moment I can think of.
It’s been a hard 3 weeks but together we’re working on self love and a healthy lifestyle. My mom is now getting active again and smiling a bit more. Today she told me the dress doesn’t fit…it’s too baggy.
While weight isn’t what defines her, our new approach has been a much healthier and happy one.
I love my mom and this article hit close to home. I cried and really sat and thought about it. Think hard about your own relationships and how you view yourself. Think before you fat talk. You never know who’s listening.
I feel like the last eight months have been a huge learning experience for me.
While these months have had their high moments, they’ve also had some of the lowest in my life thus far.
And as much as it pains me to say it, I wouldn’t take them back for anything.
At 29, I feel like I’ve finally grown into the adult I was meant to be. My perspective on life has changed so much that I wish I could go back even to the girl I was a year ago and tell her what I know now.
Career wise, I was always so scared to take a chance. I was terrified of losing my security blanket. I couldn’t imagine being financially vulnerable. Until my old manager Rich was hired. While we have zero contact now, he watched me at my lowest point and he still said “jump” He pushed me and encouraged me to go out and get what I want.
And I did.
Thanks to him, WonderFit became more than a dream. It became a reality. I have never been this happy about my work. It doesn’t ever feel like work. Sure, it comes with extra stresses that I didn’t have before, but it’s worth it. Every day.
This is a tough one for me.
This is the one I wish I could turn back time on.
I spent years hating my body, hating things about myself and ignoring every lovely thing any man in my life ever said.
While with my one ex, he would constantly call me crazy. And I thought he was just the biggest asshole and I was soooo glad I walked away.
But he was right.
I WAS being crazy.
I was so incredibly insecure about myself and everything around me that my reactions were not those of an average girl.
So here I was, thinking I was all strong and all great for walking away and being this bad ass chick when really all I did was project those exact insecurities onto J and I. Except this time it was worse.
I would communicate without screaming but I’d pick my battles. I’d be sensitive and sad instead of angry.
The feelings were the same but my reaction changed.
I was still that insecure girl and in the end I still thought he was an asshole.
Except he wasn’t.
He tried as hard as he could but it’s impossible to love someone who doesn’t love themselves.
After we broke up, everyone walked on eggshells around me. Everyone had this fear that I would fall apart. And they had every reason to. I was a complete mess.
This break up was different because while I was still that insecure girl, it didn’t stop it from being real. It was just badly timed and blew up in my face.
As the months passed, I started hearing “I’ve never seen you so happy” and “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile like that” and it was true.
The problem was everyone thought it was because I was over J.
I realized that to ever be happy with anyone, I needed to be happy with me.
It’s been a long and slow and painful process.
I can’t even explain where it started and where it’s at now but I do know that following my heart and doing what’s best for ME helped a whole lot.
I lifted heavy again which I didn’t do because I didn’t think J liked it. Now I realize he probably didn’t care
I dyed my hair red which I always wanted but didn’t do in case he hated it. Now I realize he hated my black hair and still dated me.
I finally cut my hair short which I didn’t do because I knew he liked long hair. Now I realize it was shorter than this when he met me and it clearly didin’t stop him from dating me.
And it’s not about him
THAT’S what I learned. It’s not about anyone except me.
It’s realizing that my hair or my hobbies shouldn’t make or break if someone loves me or not.
It’s realizing that when those are stripped away, I’m still me and those who truly love me, love me no matter what.
It took a long time to realize that. An even longer time to believe it. And it still takes a daily reminder that my life is for me. That my choices need to take my well being into consideration.
I spend a lot of time alone.
Because I choose to.
One thing I learned from J is that I’m very much an introvert. I like me. I like being alone and just recharging. I never understood that before and now I do.
I put my needs at the top of the list. Something he constantly tried to tell me and I couldn’t comprehend it.
I was the girl who would do anything for anyone.
I go out of my way.
I still do
but I learned to pick who and when I say yes
I will always be the person that does nice things for people but now I take my needs into consideration. I am able to say no I don’t feel like it and not feel bad. I realize what’s best for me
I also realize who would do the same for me.
It’s now been 4 weeks since I stepped on a scale. Since I counted calories.
And I’ve never felt better.
It’s been a long eight months.
I’ve cried more than I could ever imagine. I’ve learned what hope and faith really mean. I’ve learned that no one can love you until you love you. I’ve learned that a number is just a number. I’ve learned that if you love something, you have to let it go. You can pray and hope and have faith. And if it’s yours it will come back to you. And if it doesn’t, it never was. So I let go. But I have faith.
I know this was for the best. I needed this. I needed this to know how to be happy alone before I can try again to be happy with someone. While I still hope it’s with him, I can’t wait forever. but I can keep focusing on me and my life until then.
I’ve learned that sometimes things do happen for a reason and while you may not see it and it may break your heart, you have to have faith. You have to have hope. You have to stay positive.
Oh yes, I am the awesomest nerd ever.
So tomorrow Em has posing class at World Gym in Kitchener. I basically get to sit there and watch. I’m half tempted to wear this shirt with my shiny black tights, a white button up, my glasses and my hair up just to make the day seem more interesting haha
I may try to sneak a workout in but I think I may have to be there for most of it and it’s from 2pm-5pm
We shall see
but I definitely want to bust out my outfit haha cheesy and all.
Last night I was talking to a male friend of mine who is also a trainer. He was telling me about his love life and how it’s difficult to date in our profession.
Now, I know a lot of people are rolling their eyes and thinking “you’re only a trainer”. And you’re right. However, our job doesn’t go 9-5 and just end there.
Our job is 24/7. We start training as early as 5am and our day ends when our last client is. Think about that for a second. If you work til 8, that means you’d want to book with us for 9…see where I’m going with that?
That’s not all. We are on call to our clients at all times. Our phones are attach to our hip and we’re answering food and weight and cardio and appointment questions around the clock. We are available and there for our clients whenever they need us. If we aren’t training, we’re doing follow ups, food plans, scheduling etc.
And guess what?
That’s the easy part of our job.
The tough part is being “on” all the time. We are motivators. We are teachers. We are leaders. We are the biggest cheerleaders. It means we need to be on and happy and motivating and ready with every answer. All the time.
It is mentally exhausting, not to mention the physical aspect of our job.
I love my job. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. but a the end of the day, I want to turn my phone off and sit in silence. I want to cuddle with someone I care about, not talk, just lay there.
Add dating into that.
Not only are we exhausted from showing our best and happiest side, but our schedules suck. So the people we date have to get used to seeing the introverted sides of us. The sleepy and cuddly sides. It’s not easy.
So we go into every relationship terrified to try because:
- Our schedules don’t match
- It takes away from our alone time that we’ve not only grown comfortable with but also crave
- That we’ll get too invested (as is our nature to do with our clients and their progress) and end up getting hurt.
It’s even more stressful being a freelance trainer.
But…here’s the thing.
You can either try it or not. If you try it, there’s a 50% chance that it will work. if you don’t, that 50% drops to zero.
Does this post actually have to do with training?
It has to do with LIFE.
Take a chance.
Sure, it could suck but what if it doesn’t?
What if what you want the most, will workout perfectly?
What if you’re too scared to go after it and it’s sitting there waiting for you patiently?
Think about it…
I had a bad day
Like a bad week actually
And I’m sitting on my kitchen counter with an apple, a spoon and a jar of peanut butter. And my calories are shot because I wanted comfort. But it’s ok. It happens.
I still went to the gym and tomorrow is a new day.